Fresh Courage Take....

My journey seems to be filled with
highs and lows.
Of course I wish for more highs,
but part of grieving must be allowing the lows to be felt.
Yesterday and today I am feeling so lost without Alain.
I just can hardly believe I've got to go on without
his love, support and smile.

I gave the framed picture of
"Fresh Courage Take"
to one of my very good friends
when she was going through a very difficult time in her life.
After Alain died...
she gave it back!

Today I am looking for "Fresh Courage!"
Just when I feel like I am going to be OK,
a wave comes and knocks me down.
I don't try to fight it for very long...
...just feel what you feel I tell myself.

"Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of
obstacles,
pitfalls,
and snares.
Rather, it is a pathway marked by
forks and turnings.
Decisions are constantly before us."

"The call for COURAGE comes constantly
to each of us.
It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be."
Thomas S. Monson

I am grateful and thankful for the confidence of
family & friends
that tell me that I can indeed do this...
...and do it well!
But... continued
prayers for courage would be most appreciated!

Touched by a note....

Thursday I went to my class at the "college."

Last Tuesday's class felt like a disaster to me.
We were discussing topics such as divorce and eternal marriage.
I felt I should share about my divorce,
but entirely didn't want too.
First of all, too many tears were on the surface leftover
from the day before.

I just felt so strongly that I should.... so I did!
I apologized for being so emotional and then just blurted it all out.
Afterwards I thought, "Why did I just do that?"

My teacher made me feel a little better after class
and told me to share whatever I could
of my life experiences to these students.
I told him he could just stand me in the corner
as a poster child
of life disaster.
He was very kind.

After the next class,
and as I was leaving,
my teacher slipped a note into my hand,
and simply said to me, "From one of the students...."
I came home and read it and cried, (shocker)
that what I said had made a difference
to at least
one person.

I'm posting this not for the words she wrote,
but for the fact that she took time to write it.
I simply cannot get over
how blessed and compensated I have been
through my Heavenly Father's tender mercies.

Today I was touched by a note.....

to be continued.....

"Bestest" Sister in the World Award!

Meet my sister..... my only sister....
sometimes we call each other and say, "Seester-Seester!"
I don't know why!
We just know we need to talk!

My sister Tam was 9 years old when I was born.
We honestly don't remember too much about
me as a little kid!
When I was old enough to notice,
I remember I thought she was beautiful.... stunning....
and had the most handsome boyfriend who
teased me incessantly !

When she was 17 years old and I was eight,
our dad was killed in a small plane crash.
She was supposed to be in the plane that day as a stewardess.
I can't tell you how grateful I am
that
she was not.





We have been so very close all of our lives.
We have never been in any kind of "katuffle" or had serious hurt feelings.
No matter where we have lived,
we have written, emailed or talked, leaving right where we left off.

For the past six years,
we have lived only 1 hour and 45 minutes away from each other.
What a huge blessing for both of us!
She was able to come over often
when our mother lived here with Alain and I.
She has been such a strength and support to me since Alain's death.
I can call any time and cry my eyes out and she will listen and love me.
Two of our often repeated phrases are....

1. It is what it is!
2. Tomorrow is a new day!


We also can be a little "silly!"

This is her husband Neil. They have always been there for me.
When my kids dad left us in 1994,
they gave me money for an attorney.
When I tried to pay them back,
Neil said, "Keep it to buy a washer and dryer."

Recently they offered to pay for the headstone for Alain.
Thank you is not a
big enough word!

My sister has two boys and two girls.
I have grown to love and appreciate my sweet
nieces and nephews through the years.
They are precious to me!


The family IS central to the
"Creators" plan for the eternal destiny of "His" children.
Proclamation to the Family to the World 1995

We should be so very grateful.

So grateful I know that "Families are Eternal"
I know that I can live with my sweetheart,
our children and their children
and continue to progress
and build a family
that can last through all eternity.
It's not a wish.... I know!

My sister's memories...

My memories of Alain were of his kindness, gentleness,

his love of the gospel, his caring for others,

even at the expense of his own needs at times.

I loved him the most because of his goodness to Donna, my sister.

I wanted her to be happy and he made her happy.

And Donna loved him.
They were kindred spirits in many ways.

I so appreciated his desire to help me solve a problem I had in my chicken coop

by helping me design and then make a wonderful tool

to help me clean out the chicken poop

in the 8 inches of pine shavings I use to keep the coop clean.

He worked and worked until he had it just right

and was so willing to listen to my needs.

I always marveled as Alain pushed along with life enduring physical pain

that few knew he suffered with.

He wouldn't let it get him down and he always had a smile

and a wonderful, warm greeting for everyone.

I loved that he loved so many.

I miss him

as I know so many also miss him but we will look forward to seeing his smile again some day.

He has been a wonderful example to me of Christlike love.

Paris, Idaho for Memorial Day 2011

Another reminder.
Another first for me.
Memorial Day 2011

As the scouts put the American flag in the front yard this morning
I truly was saddened and reminded
of my loss!


Missing him....
husband, son, father, brother
and much, much more.

We keep going through the motions.
We bought beautiful flowers,
planned a lunch,
checked the weather,
and arrived to more proof
of the reality
that his sweet smile,
fun laugh,
helping hands and tender ways....
are just not with us anymore.....
oh, how we are missing him.


Twenty two family members met us at the cemetery.
Freezing cold (again!)
with rain & umbrella's...
To honor this great man.....

We love and miss Alain.
We know where he is,
and we know that we will once again be complete
when we are with him again....
"eternally!"

Precious Bonding....

I flew into the San Diego Airport

and was picked up by Brandon.
He took me to breakfast and then to the

Mormon Battalion History Museum!

Next we drove a couple of hours to get to their
beautiful home.
Mom & dad left on a cruise!!
I was taking the first shift watching the kids...
their other grandparents took the next.


Overwhelming sadness hit me being there knowing
Alain wasn't ever going to be there with me again.
Tears...prayers...& answers.
Rolled my sleeves up and went to work.

They all are energizer bunnies.
Jump.... climb...bounce, bounce, bounce!

I did a lot of bribing with...
Ice Cream, gummy bears, Dum Dum suckers & Popsicles...
hence the blue tongues!

• 

He is part monkey for sure!

Jason playing with the train track!

Reward for going potty!

Hypnotized watching Elmo & Cookie Monster!

...tried to mow the lawn...couldn't start it...
couldn't get the garage door closed...scarey...
car wouldn't start Sunday morning...
4 kids dressed and ready for church and boiling hot outside...
Grandpa Fairbanks came to jump start it...
(...and 2 more times that day...)
school bus didn't pick up the kids...yikes!
Grandma had to come be the taxi...
...tried to take a test online while...
two little ones escaped to front yard...
...one of them naked from the waist down...
Aughhhhhhhh!!!!!

Who thought this was a good idea?

"I love you Nana," was repeated so many precious times...
...hugs.... kisses... and cheesy smiles...
...bedtime stories, prayers and Family Night
about the Three Little Pigs...
~ why we need to build strong homes...inside AND out ~


We connected, we bonded and we built great memories...
and that made it all worth it!

Seeing more clearly....

"Our trials can either end up hardening our heart
or humbling us.
How true the saying,
"Suffering in life is inevitable, but misery is of our
own making."


"Often in the midst of suffering trials, afflictions, and discouragement,
those very circumstances
tutor us in developing increasing love and trust in God.
Consequently, what a great blessing those trials are!"

Gene R. Cook

Last night a close family friend called me. He was the Young Mens President when I was 16 years old, and I was called to be Laurel President. He seemed to love and care about me then, and these many years later, he still cares about me and my welfare. As I tearfully shared that I am trying to find out what my purpose is now, he gently counseled me to, "Be patient. Wait on the Lord. There is no good in Heavenly Father telling me right now, what is going to happen in two years!" He is so right.

One day at a time with a trusting heart!

"Plead fervently for understanding and the ability to endure.
Trust in him for that which you do not know
and you will come to know
much more!
Gene R. Cook


Today I am practicing PATIENCE with a more humble
and grateful heart!