Sunday, September 25, 2011

His Sweatshirt.... My friends!

Island Park is about one hour from my home.  It is a beautiful get-away!  I joined a group of friends at a cabin there for a Friday night into Saturday. We enjoyed wonderful associations that we rarely get a chance to have.  I know that even though I am still feeling fragile at times, I try to make myself continue to do things that I normally would have done if Alain were here, to help either maintain or find myself again. Part of death and separation is finding out who the part of you is that is still left without them. I know in time it will be much easier...but I am living NOW.

I thought it might get a little cold, so I pulled out one of Alain's favorite sweatshirts. We saw him wearing it often during the past 15 years.  It is a sweatshirt from Lennex... a sheriff's station in the Los Angeles Sherriff's Department. Alain worked in this area of south central LA before we met. Wearing it brought back all kinds of good memories.

That's the part that has made this journey hard... memories.  I want to still talk about him.  I want other people to still talk about him.  Bring up memories they have or remember.  I know death is awkward and so many people feel like they don't know what to say, but saying nothing is almost worse than thinking you may say the wrong thing.  I've discovered that there can be many ways to "mourn with those who mourn."  A hug, a hello, a note in the mail, a phone call, asking, "How are you?", and the biggest one... "Is there anything I can do?"  Chances are the person will say that there isn't anything, but the blessing to both will be in the asking?

This is a picture I took right after a thunderstorm that Saturday.
Although I am a beginner, this picture is my new favorite!

He that is thy friend indeed,
he will help thee in thy need;
if thou sorrow, he will weep,
if you wake, he cannot sleep;
thus in every grief in heart,
he with thee doth bear a part.

Thank you my friends!
You touch my life for good!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Eight is Great!

Two of my grandchildren were recently baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Joshua turned eight in July, (son of Brandon & Amanda),
and Ellie turned eight in September, (daughter of John & Angela)
Great-grandparents, grandparents, moms & dads...
aunts, uncles,& friends
all gathered to celebrate their decision to be baptized.

I am so proud of their decision to take upon themselves Christ's name
and stand as witnesses of his goodness in their lives.

 My precious grandchildren certainly
"touch my life for good!"

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Hugs for the Heart!

First of all.... I miss Alain!
Seven months have flown/crawled by!
Each day is bitter/sweet.
Bitter, because I want him back, I need him, this wasn't supposed to be!
Sweet, because I know what we had! I know where he is!  I know we'll be together again!

Not many marriages I know of 
have what we had.
Talking, sharing, encouraging,
more talking, more sharing, and more encouraging!

Our daughters still tell me they cry for him...
the grand-kids still talk about so many fun times with him...
I am still meeting so many people that share with me
what a great person he was. 

I appreciate so much when people acknowledge
what has happened...
what I still must be going through.

I have recently been the recipient
of a plethora of different
evidences of Heavenly Father's sure love for me.

Family... spent time with grandchildren for two baptisms recently!
Friends... (and their friends)... showing up to do yard work with me!
Notes... in the mail...
Emails... on the computer...
Treats... delivered to my door...
Phone calls (daily) check on me...
friends stopping by..., & girlfriends visiting for the weekend!

Each of these gestures are like 
a nice warm hug to my heart and spirit!
Thank you my eternal family& friends!
I absolutely know I could not do this without you!
I remain humbled and in awe for my many blessings!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Expiration date on grieving...

In grieving
one has no control over
what the mind needs to deal with
and what the heart needs to heal.
In the past several months
I have come to learn that grief
has a time table 
of its very own.
I am sometimes very weak
in the battle of faith,
but sometimes...
I am very strong.
A strange new way to live.
 But I'm trying...
Is there a shelf life
or expiration date on mouring
the loss of a loved one?
I don't believe there is.