Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Healing my "Heart" in Italy Part 5

As we traveled north in Italy, the "Autogrill" became our friend... bathroom breaks, restaurants, more bathroom breaks... you get the picture.
Sometimes we had to pay
to use the bathroom, and we always made sure we had our own T.P. And I could never get used to not having a toliet seat. Eeeeeuuuuu!

We had a very nice automobile to travel in.... these are some of the typical scenes of our travels...

We drove to the city of Pisa, and visited the Field of Miracles. Inside these walls is where
the "Leaning Tower of Pisa" stands...(or leans!)

Healing my "Heart" Part 4

Continuing on with my day in downtown Naples...

Thursday, March 10

I am by the fireplace in Shawno and Carol's kitchen. It is so warm and inviting. We have had a long day, and Carol is fixing us another delicious meal.

We drove to Pozzuoli to the train station. We rode the train to downtown NAPLES. We walked and walked and walked, just like "little pioneer children..." I took many pictures! I loved watching small groups of men huddled together talking, very animated, using their hands and intense expressions to communicate. The traffic is CRAZY with a capital "C"! I kept expecting to see a crash or be in one. Scooters everywhere, cars driving fast on the narrow streets...parked every which way on both sides of the street. I know we were watched over and blessed.

As I began to miss my Alain, I decided to just "write to him."


Honey, I can't express in words how empty I feel without you. I'm SO afraid that each day without you will somehow make you feel that much farther away from me. I try to picture your face, your skin, your hands, your touch.... I try to see your smile, hear your voice, feel your arms around me. All I can think about is how one day you were here, and our lives, our love, our plans, seemed so real and vibrant, and the next day you were gone... you are gone. I want to wish you back, I want you, I really, really love and miss US! I keep trying to be "realistic," "mature," strong!" It just HURTS!... my heart is very heavy. You brought so much light and joy and comfort and security to my life. It feels like a punishment to be alone now. I feel like I must have done something bad or wrong. Oh how I wish I could just hold you, kiss you and talk to you...just one more time. I'm praying that somehow you can stay close by us. I'm finding it hard to project my life from now on. I picture me being strong by being busy, going back to school, home improvement projects, time with our grandchildren and family, making friends and being with people in the ward. Then I picture myself alone in a quiet house, month after month, year after year, without my best friend. When will we be together again? Honey, I know I've felt you say to me, " will be OK." So, I have a choice to move forward, step after step. I will try to make you proud. Our temple covenants bring me peace and hope. Why did you have to be so wonderful?

PS. While you're building our mansion above, could I request a fireplace in the kitchen? be continued!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Healing my "Heart" Part 3

Wednesday, March 9

Got up early and left at 8:30 (couldn't sleep from 2-5am). We drove to see the ruins of the city of Pompeii.

The city of Pompeii is a partially buried Roman town-city near modern Naples, Italy. Along with Herculaneum, its sister city, Pompeii was destroyed and completely buried during a long catastrophic eruption of the volcano Mount Vesuvius spanning two days in 79 AD. The eruption buried Pompeii under 4 to 6 meters of ash and pumice, and it was lost for over 1,500 years before its accidental rediscovery in 1599. Since then, its excavation has provided an extraordinarily detailed insight into the life of a city at the height of the Roman Empire.

Although this tragic event ended the lives of 20,000 Pompeian residents, the ash that buried the town served as a sort of mummification for the entire city. The eruption of 79 AD which buried the town in ash actually captured a moment in time. Under the ash everything remained as it was at the time of the eruption. Artwork was preserved. Buildings were preserved. Several important clues were left behind. These clues give us a little glimpse into the past.

Garden of the Fugitives

Carol & Me sitting on an ancient street (waiting for a snack and water!)

Michelle and I in Pompeii

The people who died in Pompeii were buried in gravel and ash. Most died of suffocation.

Amphitheater of Pompeii

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Healing my "Heart" Part 2

For some reason I'm a little worried about being "honest!" The honesty of grief isn't usually what you see on other peoples blogs. You see the happiest of pictures and events... and for the past two months my blog has been just the opposite. I asked my sister if she thought I should tell how I am really doing.....what I am really feeling. I suppose and believe that the most important thing is that I'm doing this as part of a healing process and.... I am who I am. I have tried to tell myself that its OK to feel whatever feeling is there. If I am happy I am going to let myself feel that, if I feel sad/scared/lonely.... I will let myself feel that too. Tonight I feel sad/scared/lonely! So with that, let me just begin at the beginning..... Sunday, March 6, 2011..... Dear Alain, I am here in San Antonio, Texas with Michelle and Judson. Michelle stayed with me since the day after you passed away. (Feb. 4th) I found and bought a new charm because it reminded me of you/us! It is about an inch square and on one side there is a capital A... and on the other side... a "heart!" I brought it with me and I will carry a part of you/us with me wherever I go. I miss you honey... why did you have to be so wonderful?

I've been looking at the shelves that you bought and painted for Michelle last time we were here. She has a sign on one of them and it says... FAITH...start where you are and take the next step.... that is what I am trying to do honey. I do feel you close by. I know you would be trying to help me. I want to be more like YOU, and I know you were trying to be more like the Savior. Thank you for loving and taking care of us so well. I love you with all of my HEART! be continued!

Healing my "Heart" in Italy

Michelle and her husband Judson had their trip to Italy planned for the first of March. Judson's father is a doctor in the Navy and is stationed in Naples.
He and his wife Carol graciously invited me to come along with Judson and Michelle after hearing the news of Alain passing away. I am such a homebody.... especially now as things felt new and raw. I wondered if I could handle being so far away so soon. Alain had just received his passport to visit Adam in Germany. It was so hard to imagine that it was going to be me getting a passport now. So many friends and family encouraged me to take this opportunity.... so off I went! Shawno and Carol were so wonderful to me. They kept reminding me that this was a time of healing. I kept a journal about our travels, the places we visited and even wrote letters to my sweetheart about my thoughts and feelings of me going forward. Oh how I miss him.... All in all I think this experience was very healing and I will be forever grateful for their kindness, love and support! be continued!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

This is my tomorrow.....

Friday will be four weeks since my sweetheart passed away.... the calendar in my room is still on February 4th.

Anyone very close to Alain knows that his comforting words of, "Tomorrow is a New Day," knows that he meant it. No matter what was happening... he assured us that nothing is so bad that tomorrow can't fix it. Fresh starts..... no looking back! Today is a new day and I am moving forward with the prayers of strength and comfort from so many wonderful friends and family.