Saturday, March 26, 2011

Healing my "Heart" Part 2

For some reason I'm a little worried about being "honest!" The honesty of grief isn't usually what you see on other peoples blogs. You see the happiest of pictures and events... and for the past two months my blog has been just the opposite. I asked my sister if she thought I should tell how I am really doing.....what I am really feeling. I suppose and believe that the most important thing is that I'm doing this as part of a healing process and.... I am who I am. I have tried to tell myself that its OK to feel whatever feeling is there. If I am happy I am going to let myself feel that, if I feel sad/scared/lonely.... I will let myself feel that too. Tonight I feel sad/scared/lonely! So with that, let me just begin at the beginning..... Sunday, March 6, 2011..... Dear Alain, I am here in San Antonio, Texas with Michelle and Judson. Michelle stayed with me since the day after you passed away. (Feb. 4th) I found and bought a new charm because it reminded me of you/us! It is about an inch square and on one side there is a capital A... and on the other side... a "heart!" I brought it with me and I will carry a part of you/us with me wherever I go. I miss you honey... why did you have to be so wonderful?

I've been looking at the shelves that you bought and painted for Michelle last time we were here. She has a sign on one of them and it says... FAITH...start where you are and take the next step.... that is what I am trying to do honey. I do feel you close by. I know you would be trying to help me. I want to be more like YOU, and I know you were trying to be more like the Savior. Thank you for loving and taking care of us so well. I love you with all of my HEART! be continued!

Healing my "Heart" in Italy

Michelle and her husband Judson had their trip to Italy planned for the first of March. Judson's father is a doctor in the Navy and is stationed in Naples.
He and his wife Carol graciously invited me to come along with Judson and Michelle after hearing the news of Alain passing away. I am such a homebody.... especially now as things felt new and raw. I wondered if I could handle being so far away so soon. Alain had just received his passport to visit Adam in Germany. It was so hard to imagine that it was going to be me getting a passport now. So many friends and family encouraged me to take this opportunity.... so off I went! Shawno and Carol were so wonderful to me. They kept reminding me that this was a time of healing. I kept a journal about our travels, the places we visited and even wrote letters to my sweetheart about my thoughts and feelings of me going forward. Oh how I miss him.... All in all I think this experience was very healing and I will be forever grateful for their kindness, love and support! be continued!