Find yourself a heart-rock!

One of the precious things Alain did for years,
was to find heart shaped rocks...

and  bring them to me.

I've mentioned before that I  have dozens of them.

Some are outside in the front flower bed...

some are in the backyard,

some are on the mantel on the fireplace

  some are now on my bathroom counter.

I have the first rock he gave me and the last one he gave me

carefully placed on my coffee table in the living room.
When I look at one of them now...
I just feel his love!

If one of us wanted to let the other know that we were thinking of them,

we would place a heart rock somewhere to see or find...

...in a suitcase,

on the pillow after making the bed, etc.

Find yourself a heart rock and give it to someone YOU love!
 You won't be sorry....

Come what may and....

Come what may and love it!

Come what may and like it!

Come what may and be content!

I came across a beautiful message by Neal A. Maxwell.

It spoke to my heart!

It spoke to my new situation...

"Being content means acceptance without self-pity.  Meekly borne, however,
deprivations such as these can end up being like 
excavations that make room for greatly enlarged souls."

There is an often heard statement made by Elder Joseph B.Wirthlin 

that was told to him by his mother...

"Come what may and love it!"

I just cannot love this right now...

I can't even like it...

but I can learn to be content!

I have many, many blessings...

a home, a vehicle, my health,

and the love of family and friends.

I live in a wonderful community that is safe,

where there are so many opportunities.

"Developing greater contentment within certain of our existing constraints and opportunities

is one of our challenges.

Most important is what we are and what we do within those varied allocations."

"The Lord knows our circumstances and the intents of our hearts,

and surely the talents and gifts He has given us.

He is able to gauge perfectly how we have performed within what is allotted to us,

including by lifting up some of the many surrounding hands 
that hang down."

Lastly, I loved this and it is what really spoke to my heart...

(and is a goal for me...)

"that when spiritually aligned, a poise can come, 

even when we do not know "the meaning of all things." 

(I Nephi 11:17)

I miss Alain today.

I miss holding his hand during prayer at church.

I miss his sweet smile.

I miss his gentle voice.

I miss him hurrying in and out of the house

going to this or that meeting.

I miss his comments about what he has been learning.

I miss his comments on who he thinks needs help.

I honestly have been feeling stronger each and every day.

Yes... I miss him,
but I will continue to strive to be content 

with what has been allotted to me at this time.

"Tomorrow is a new day!"

Hooray!

Floating love notes to heaven....

Today is my wedding anniversary.

 Wow.... another first without him.

It is bound to get easier...

(but I don't really know if it will).

Yesterday my three daughters...

Michelle, Jamie and Angela,

and son-in-law John

and their six children

took a road trip to Paris, Idaho where Alain is buried.

It was a three hour drive there.

The closer we got, the blacker the clouds became.

Earlier before we left, all the little girls sat at the table

and wrote notes or drew pictures to "Papa."

We folded the notes,

and placed them inside 12 helium balloons.

Just about five minutes before arriving at the cemetery,

it let loose!!

 I've never seen it rain so hard!

My windshield wipers were useless!

My heart sank because we had come so far.

  Many  prayers were quickly offered 

silently & independently.

We made it there...

and with no exaggeration we had about four minutes 

to line the little ones up for a picture 

and then they let their balloons float up to Papa in "heaven!"

Then it was over!

It began to pour and pour and pour.

We were drenched and covered with mud as everyone

climbed back into our cars.

We love and miss our dad, Papa and sweetheart!

Letting go little by little...

but never forgetting!

Desire of my heart now delayed....

This is HARD.... so very hard.  I think I am doing OK and then another heavy chest-heart breaking day occurs.  I watch my friends and families lives move forward, and in all reality I am moving forward too, but without a huge part of me.  A friend told me that a friend of hers who's husband was killed said she felt like a cork in the ocean.  Wow.... some days are like that.  I do have the gospel to anchor me, a loving Heavenly Father too, but why does it still hurt so bad?  Part of grieving is mourning the person you were before.  I miss all of the companionship Alain and I shared together.  It may seem like I am looking behind and not ahead, but one does the best one can.  PATIENCE... and active waiting and enduring.  I can do this.  I am doing this....

Perfect Day for a Parade... (BBQ & Rodeo)

We feel very blessed to live in this small town
where patriotism is still honored and celebrated...

These five little sweethearts

were all lined up and anxiously waiting  for the

Rexburg "Woopie Days Parade!"


We did feel a huge void without Papa there

 to hold hands and help the little ones 
catch candy or sit on his lap while watching the parade pass by.

Little Carter Wayne!

Nana and her fan club!

Awesome Son-in-law grilling up free hotdogs!

Doesn't get better than that...

How many more pics Nana?

Love the Red, White & Blue headbands!

Me & friend Arlene!

On the bleachers for the BIG RODEO!

(Didn't make it to the end.... tried real hard!)

Peonies & Pain...trying hard not to complain!

Yesterday was hard!

For the 4th of July holiday,

I am surrounded by precious family 

and my sweet little grandchildren.

And that's were the pain comes in.

We are so used to having our Papa around

and he's not here this summer!

I cut some beautiful Peonies from my garden,

(I had to look up how to spell that!),

put them in a vase on my table

and realized...that everything else keeps going on.

First the daffodils and the tulips,

then the iris's 

and now these beautiful peonies.

Month after month nature will give us what she always has.

Holidays will continue to come and go...

anniversaries and birthdays will still be celebrated...

and births of new little ones will bless our lives,

and death will still come much too soon

for most of us that love so deeply.

I can do this.

I really have no choice.

But my heart can continue to be full of gratitude

for all that I DO have.

Health. Family. Friends. The gospel of Jesus Christ!

It just hurts!