We may not always remember the people we laugh with, 

but we never forget the people we cry with.

I have been blessed with a two week reprieve

of many of the emotions that accompany loss.  

What a blessing!

  Time to catch my breath, 

look ahead,

and even feel confident that I will survive this. 

I have felt Alain reassuring me more than once

that I can do this and that he is proud of me.  

I am so grateful for the time and the experiences that we shared together... 

learning, laughing, & loving!

My voice would be that of asking my friends and family... 

are you doing the same?

Never take for granted what you have been given!

PS... Thanks for crying with me!

Reaping what you sow!

I wasn't able to do a lot with our garden this year. Before the snow melted I told myself I was just going to cover the entire garden. It seemed overwhelming to even think of planting, watering, weeding, harvesting and clean up all by myself. I did cover most of it up, but I left an area  for 1 tomato plant, 1 pumpkin plant, some peas and a row of sunflowers. Truly it was mostly ignored, but what ended up happening...? The tallest sunflowers ever, the biggest juiciest tomatoes, and one big fat pumpkin still growing as we speak. These sunflowers had to be 12 feet tall.  They made me happy!

I am sad that summer is over, I am thankful for the beautiful autumn weather we've had so far, and I am bracing myself for the cold, long winter ahead. That's another post!

As I look at the years before me, without my best friend, my wish is that I will be able to continue to sow and reap, sow and reap, sow and reap.  I hope to be able to gain knowledge and experience and then in turn, use that to be able to SERVE others as Alain learned to love and do. 

Looking out my bedroom window....and smiling!

His Sweatshirt.... My friends!

Island Park is about one hour from my home.  It is a beautiful get-away!  I joined a group of friends at a cabin there for a Friday night into Saturday. We enjoyed wonderful associations that we rarely get a chance to have.  I know that even though I am still feeling fragile at times, I try to make myself continue to do things that I normally would have done if Alain were here, to help either maintain or find myself again. Part of death and separation is finding out who the part of you is that is still left without them. I know in time it will be much easier...but I am living NOW.

I thought it might get a little cold, so I pulled out one of Alain's favorite sweatshirts. We saw him wearing it often during the past 15 years.  It is a sweatshirt from Lennex... a sheriff's station in the Los Angeles Sherriff's Department. Alain worked in this area of south central LA before we met. Wearing it brought back all kinds of good memories.

That's the part that has made this journey hard... memories.  I want to still talk about him.  I want other people to still talk about him.  Bring up memories they have or remember.  I know death is awkward and so many people feel like they don't know what to say, but saying nothing is almost worse than thinking you may say the wrong thing.  I've discovered that there can be many ways to "mourn with those who mourn."  A hug, a hello, a note in the mail, a phone call, asking, "How are you?", and the biggest one... "Is there anything I can do?"  Chances are the person will say that there isn't anything, but the blessing to both will be in the asking?

This is a picture I took right after a thunderstorm that Saturday.

Although I am a beginner, this picture is my new favorite!

He that is thy friend indeed,

he will help thee in thy need;

if thou sorrow, he will weep,

if you wake, he cannot sleep;

thus in every grief in heart,

he with thee doth bear a part.

Thank you my friends!
You touch my life for good!

Eight is Great!

Two of my grandchildren were recently baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Joshua turned eight in July, (son of Brandon & Amanda),

and Ellie turned eight in September, (daughter of John & Angela)

Great-grandparents, grandparents, moms & dads...

aunts, uncles,& friends

all gathered to celebrate their decision to be baptized.

I am so proud of their decision to take upon themselves Christ's name

and stand as witnesses of his goodness in their lives.

 My precious grandchildren certainly
"touch my life for good!"

 

Hugs for the Heart!

First of all.... I miss Alain!

Seven months have flown/crawled by!

Each day is bitter/sweet.

Bitter, because I want him back, I need him, this wasn't supposed to be!

Sweet, because I know what we had! I know where he is!  I know we'll be together again!

Not many marriages I know of 

have what we had.

Talking, sharing, encouraging,

more talking, more sharing, and more encouraging!

Our daughters still tell me they cry for him...

the grand-kids still talk about so many fun times with him...

I am still meeting so many people that share with me

what a great person he was. 

AND HE WAS!

I appreciate so much when people acknowledge

what has happened...

what I still must be going through.

I have recently been the recipient

of a plethora of different

evidences of Heavenly Father's sure love for me.

Family... spent time with grandchildren for two baptisms recently!

Friends... (and their friends)... showing up to do yard work with me!

Notes... in the mail...

Emails... on the computer...

Treats... delivered to my door...

Phone calls (daily)...to check on me...

friends stopping by..., & girlfriends visiting for the weekend!

Each of these gestures are like 

a nice warm hug to my heart and spirit!

Thank you my eternal family& friends!

I absolutely know I could not do this without you!

I remain humbled and in awe for my many blessings!

Expiration date on grieving...

 

 

In grieving

one has no control over

what the mind needs to deal with

and what the heart needs to heal.

In the past several months

I have come to learn that grief

has a time table 

of its very own.

I am sometimes very weak

in the battle of faith,

but sometimes...

I am very strong.

A strange new way to live.

 But I'm trying...

 

Is there a shelf life

or expiration date on mouring

the loss of a loved one?

I don't believe there is.

 

More journeys...

Today another journey alone.

Family Reunion!

I was surrounded by so many loved ones

Hugs, smiles & concern...

But once again... a special event

without my sweetheart.

I've been told time and time again...

The first year...

with all the firsts 

will be the hardest.

I took this picture on my way up the road to the cemetery.

(Through the windshield splattered in bugs!)

It is so peaceful there

and I visited with mixed emotions.

Again I say to myself,

"Why did he have to be so wonderful?"

Thankfully I know where he is and in the blink of an eye

(unless I live to be 97 1/2 of course...)

we'll be together again!

These are my two uncles and two aunts who I love and adore.

We go way back of course!

They are my mothers brothers and sisters.

I'm so proud of my heritage

and wish we all could have been there today!

Grandpa Alfred and Grandma Lucile looked down with pride today!

The Rogers Family always knew how to put on a feast.

Today was no exception.

(I did miss my mother's pies!)

This reunion was held in a little sleepy town called Bloomington, Idaho!

I think it is the best kept secret ...

an ideal place

for raising a family,

breathing fresh air

and feeling the wide open spaces.

These horses and barn say "Hello... welcome to the past!"

1918 to be exact!

What in the world would I do without my big sis!

When we had to choose a sister, I know a lot of people
were standing in her line...
...and I won!

Families Are Forever!